Alex’s Guide to Solving Problems: “What are you?”

Whenever a white person asks me a dumb question about my race like it’s any of their business, I’m going to give them a relevant answer that is so obviously not what they’re looking for.

White Person: “What are you?”
Me: “I’m an English major!”

White Person: “Omg, you’re [ethnicity]? I LOVE [something related to your ethnicity.]”
Me: “No kidding! And you’re white? I absolutely adore. You know. Um. Making dog sweaters.”

White Person: “Where are you from?”
Me: ” [insert state here]”
White Person: “No, really. Where are you from?”
Me: “Well, I didn’t want to go here, but you know my dad, right? Well, he has this thing called a penis. And my mom has this thing called a vagina. And one day, they decided, “Hey. Our genitalia should get to know each other. What say they mingle for a bit?” And so they let this happen. And lo, I was born seven months later, ambiguous looking and fabulous in all of my glory.”

Photobucket

Pressed. I promise you. Money back guarantee and EVERYTHING on that shit.

* I lied. Dog sweaters are hideous.

77 Notes/ Hide

  1. articlesofcleansingbreath reblogged this from deeesire
  2. chattyjeliza reblogged this from alexandraerin and added:
    This is a brilliant technique.
  3. truesouthernlady reblogged this from deliciouskaek and added:
    This post has given me life!
  4. stupidforeigners reblogged this from of-praxis
  5. waitful reblogged this from deeesire
  6. amidalamygdala reblogged this from of-praxis and added:
    This shit is perfect. Especially the dog sweaters.
  7. deeesire reblogged this from of-praxis
  8. of-praxis reblogged this from whatwhiteswillneverknow
  9. oh-delial reblogged this from jinglebingeul
  10. jinglebingeul reblogged this from alexandraerin and added:
    I think I’ll do this from now on…
  11. alexandraerin reblogged this from madgastronomer and added:
    White Person: “What are you?” Me: “I’m an English major!” …”I LOVE DOCTOR WHO AND SCONES!”
  12. madgastronomer reblogged this from hamburgerjack
  13. lestyouforget reblogged this from hamburgerjack
  14. hamburgerjack reblogged this from deliciouskaek
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